Taken yesterday--New haircut..ready to go to the hospital!
Well, I feel....hmmmm....not sure how I feel. Not really ready, somewhat relieved that the end is in sight, sad about what is in store for my precious girl, feeling the weight on my shoulders about keeping germs away for so many weeks, sad that our routine will be all hunky dorey for a while and wondering if my boys will be okay with it all. Tonight I teared up as Josh and Ben came in like they do every night while I was rocking Sarah, to give her hugs and kisses and tell her good night. The other day Josh said he was going to miss getting her out of bed in the mornings. (Yes, he often beats me to it!) This is going to be tough. And yet underneath it all I feel completely, strangely at peace.
Today she had a very rough day because she had one last eye exam to check that dumb tumor, and one last cryotherapy--this time mainly to irritate the tissue so that the chemo will work more effeciently. She was in more pain than ever afterward because the doctor had to make an incision in her cornea this time. Even the morphine wasn't making a dent. : ( Finally some Tylenol 3 did the trick--sort of. It felt like foreshadowing to me, because they have told me that one of the worst side effects of this chemo will be pain from the sores in her mouth, esophagus and intestinal tract. We are just leaning, leaning on the Lord!
Also, I talked with the doctor and he told me that he is very optimistic about this treatment. He also told me, though, that if she makes it through this, she will be a miracle girl! Um...that was not very comforting. I am pretty sure he meant that it's a miracle that she's done so well already, but still...
Anyway, from the beginning of all of this we have put it in God's hands. And it is still there.
And one more thing....
Don't you just love people who make this world a nicer place just because they are in it? I appreciate every one, from the friendly man with the permanent smile who works at our post office to the drive through worker at McDonalds who does her best to treat you well. And I just have to say that we have been so blessed by people along this journey. Friends and family who are praying, and people we don't really even know who go out of their way to pray for and encourage us. Also, the doctors and nurses on this journey with us-- they are just angels in disguise. I can't say enough about their kindness, and genuine love and concern. Some of these nurses have been doing this job for 30 years, and still they care so deeply, even to the point of having tears in their eyes over our sweet girl. Precious, precious people. So much like Jesus. I am so glad that this old world is still not so bad that there are genuinely kind people out there doing their part. And there really are a lot of them!
And so, the next time I post will most likely be from our new "home." I will tell you all about how it goes. Just stay tuned...and please do be praying for us. You will never know how wonderful it is to know that people are praying.