Thoughts one Sunday morning...

I've been meditating lately on the goodness of God....

Not long ago I was looking around the sanctuary on a Sunday morning, really noticing the people...(I know, I know, I should probably have been listening to the preacher, or worshiping, or whatever everyone else was doing at the moment.)  But, anyway, at this moment, I was noticing the people.  The dear people at my church whom I am happy to call my church family.  And as my eyes scanned the pews, I saw with new eyes some families that were experiencing marital troubles.  One going through a divorce because of some difficult circumstances.  The kids in that family sitting there too.  I saw a lovely mom of a teen-age son who has seen some very rough times in her life, including being a single parent for many years, and recently having lost her dad to cancer.  I noticed teens who come to church without their parents, and I'm not sure why the parents don't come too.  I saw a dad who is struggling with very very hard family issues.  People who have lost loved ones--some having lost children.  People who have sons serving in the military.  People who are struggling with daily pain.  People who have been through so much...I was amazed when I really let it sink in as my eyes traveled around the room.  But what struck me the most as I was thinking about all of this, was that these people sitting together on that Sunday morning, thankful to be there, worshiping together.....  They were smiling.  Even laughing.  They were enjoying the day.  Genuinely happy.  

And God spoke to my heart again about how good He is.  That regardless of what circumstances we are going through, it does not mean that God is not there, or that He is not good.  He is with us through the pain.  I still remember clearly when we were going through our trial with Sarah the very real experience of peace He provided us--right in the middle of the storm.   And oh, how bright the sun shines when the storm is over and we realize He truly never did leave us alone.

And even if the "storm" we are going through may never fully be over until we finally reach Home, even then...just knowing and trusting Him brings such peace that passes understanding.

It's interesting that when I sat down to write this post, it was going to be about the beautiful snow we've finally been enjoying! So, I will leave you with some pictures that really do illustrate the awesome love of God. The perfect winter's day...it just doesn't get much more beautiful. Such a wonderful gift!  He is so good to us.

 Our backyard

View from our front yard

...Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;  though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.--Isa. 1:18

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hello, blog world!

I realize I haven't written on here pretty much all month long.  That is because of December hustle and bustle, of course.  And also...because...I have been thinking and thinking about what to say to put into words my feelings about Christmas. 

But this year for some reason, I have been thinking, how is it even possible to put into words the depth of emotion that I feel at Christmas time? 

Honestly.  GOD.  Coming to earth. 

To be with us and to be one of us. 

Immanuel. 

Wow. 

And all around us our senses are saturated with music and lights and tinsel and wrappings and coupons and sales and family and cookies...and more and more cookies...  and Santa Clauses and reindeer and reminders to keep Christ in Christmas. 

It all seems a bit surreal to me.  The world celebrates Christmas. 

Yet, so very, very many of those people in all their celebration hoopla are really celebrating--nothing at all. 

We watched Jim Carrey's version of the Grinch last night.  Little Cindy Lou keeps trying to find out what the true meaning of Christmas is in all the hubbub of the preparations.  Finally, at the end when the Grinch has stolen all the presents and even the roast beast, everyone realizes that it wasn't about those things at all. 

They all hold hands and sway back and forth singing "Da hoo Do ray," or whatever it is, thinking that they have figured it out.  And really, according to much of the world, they were right, I suppose.  Christmas is about being together and warm fuzzy feeings.  Right?  And maybe there was a Baby, and maybe there wasn't, but Christmas (or the "Holidays") is a special time to gather together with people we love.

OR MAYBE....

God made the human race.  He made you and He made me, and He loves each one of us with all of His Being. 

He loved us so much, in fact, that He gave us our own free will.  To decide if we would sin or not, and to decide if we would love Him or not.  What is the use of having an intimate, loving relationship with a programmed robot, after all? 

And so, He gave us the choice to know and love Him-- or not. 

He even knew that we would choose sin that would separate us from Him in His holiness, and He made a plan way back in the beginning.

 

A crazy plan. 

 The most loving thing He could possibly do. 

He would send His only Son.  Part of Himself--perfect and holy in every way.  Even starting human life as an embryo...Entering our wicked, fallen world, and being truly one of US.  Enduring hunger and sickness and pain and ridicule, and even temptation, so that we could really see Him and understand who He is.  And then finally being--Himself, in His death--the ultimate sacrifice. 

The ultimate Christmas gift.

 

The payment for our sin, so that those sins could be covered by that precious blood and forgiven, making it possible for us to be right with Him again.  If only we would accept that gift. 

If only we would just simply BELIEVE.  

And so, with Christmas being tomorrow, we have a choice.  Christmas maybe is simply a great big party about love and happiness and good cheer....

Or maybe Christmas really is the celebration of the birth of the one and only Savior of the world. 

The most important, life-changing event that ever happened.  

Oh, how He loves us.  

Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.--2 Corinthians 9:15 

Merry Christmas.

How beautiful Heaven must be...

Ed Kosten liked to wear bow ties.  : )  He blessed us with his amazing saxophone playing.  He had a twinkle in his eye and a seemingly permanent smile.  He was quick to laugh and tease, and always had an encouraging word to say.  He loved the Lord.  And I mean he truly loved the Lord with all his heart.  He praised God with everything he had in him.  He lived for Him, and loved to tell others about Him.  Ed was one of those people.   You know--the real deal.  I didn't know him that well, but I KNEW him.  He walked with the Lord. 

And today, I sang at his funeral. 

This past Sunday evening at church, the sermon was about Heaven.  I was in the nursery, so I didn't get to hear it, but our pastor told us that after the service that night, Ed came up to him and proclaimed, "Sounds great!  Let's go!"  The next day he had a heart attack, and on Tuesday, that is exactly what he did.  He went to Heaven to walk with Jesus in Person. 

Ed left behind a wife, a daughter, and something like 5 married sons, and they are all grieving today, as well as our church family... but Ed is home.  Doesn't that sound wonderful?  Finally HOME....

Do you ever stop and really think about what happens after we leave this earth?  Sometimes I look around me and pay attention to the people passing by.  Everyone going about their business.  We are all busy with something--running to Little League, helping the kids with homework, work issues, endless cleaning, honey-do lists and bill paying....busy, busy, dreadfully busy.  But sometimes we need to stop--
and realize that this is not all there is.  We are only on our path to eternity.  What is that going to look like?  How can we be sure of WHERE we will spend it?  Can we really know? 

Well, I have good news.  We really can know!  1 John 5:13 says,  "These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; THAT YE MAY KNOW that ye have eternal life."  We don't have to hope we have it.  The Bible says we can know for sure.  : ) 

You see, it all comes down to one thing, and that is our problem with sin.  We all do it because we were born into it.  We are all guilty of sin, which keeps us apart from God in His holiness.   And according to the Bible in Romans 6:23, "the wages of sin (our payment for sin) is death."  (Meaning eternal separation from God.  Other passages explain it to be a place of torment eternally.)  "But the gift of God is eternal life!"  Did you catch that?  The GIFT of God.  It is a gift, not something we earn.  Once you do something to earn a gift, it ceases to be one.  It can't be a gift if you work for it!  God loves us.  He loves YOU.  He made the ultimate sacrifice out of His great love, and that was sending His beloved Son, Jesus, to take the punishment for our sins as He died the death of crucifixion on a Roman cross.  And then he defeated death three days later as He came to life again.  He died for everyone's sins who ever lived, but each one of us has to decide if we will accept the gift of His salvation. or not. 

I love John chapter 10.  Here is some of it:  v.9-11, 27-30--"I am the door:  by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.  The thief comes not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy:  I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.  I am the good shepherd:  the good shepherd gives his life for the sheep...My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:  And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.  My Father, which gave them to me is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.  I and my Father are one."  How awesome is that??  Do you want to go back and read it again?  Go ahead. :)

Someday, those of us who know Him will spend forever with Him.  I don't know exactly what Heaven will be like, but I do know it will be good!  Imagine a place with no tears, pain or fear.  1 Corinthians 2:9 says,  "But as it is written, eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him."  So we have no earthly idea what is in store for us...but our friend Ed is experiencing it now.  I am so happy for him!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!  If you have any questions about all of this, or just want to know more, you can go here for a start.  : )

How beautiful Heaven must be...  See you soon, Ed...

Enjoy your weekend,  friends!!

Sarah's eyes these days...

I speak English.  So do you!  ; )  Don't you wish there were MORE WORDS in the English language to express the range of emotions we human beings feel?  (And especially we human beings of the female variety...) 

I am speaking in particular today about the way I felt this morning when I took Sarah to her exam with Dr. Aaberg, and heard once again that there are STILL NO TUMORS growing in those beautiful eyes of hers.  Not one. 

Every few months she goes to get an exam, and every time I see Dr. Aaberg's smiling face and thumbs up sign coming toward me as I sit with my coffee in the waiting room, I feel exactly the same way.  Totally ELATED!  Today happened to be a perfect, sunny day as it was, and I couldn't help but sing praises to God all the way to the car..and all the way home.  I do sing quietly though, as to avoid being carried off to the looney bin...

Keep soaring, sweet girl!

On a more serious note, every time we get in the car to go for an exam, I think about what God has done for us, and praise Him for every single day we have had with our precious girl.  And then I prepare my heart for the exam, and commit her to him again.  Today as I was praying on the way to the appointment, telling Him that once again I trust Him, no matter the outcome of the exam, I felt that familiar peace wash over me.  He is always good, friends.  Today we rejoice again for the blessing of Sarah's good health.  But no matter what God brings into our lives, we can be sure that He loves us, and we just have to rest in Him, knowing that He always, always does or allows what is good for us.  

Squeeze your kids a little tighter today, and thank God for them!  They are such precious gifts to us!

Praise ye the LORD.  Oh give thanks unto the LORD; for He is good:  for His mercy endureth forever!!!  Psalm 106:1

Asking for prayer...

I'm sorry that this is going to be kind of a sad post.  It's not about Sarah or our family.  We have had such happy news.  Sarah took her first tub bath yesterday since her tubees site all healed up, and she had a blast.  : )  That girl loves the water.  Tonight all four of the younger kids were down in the family room playing tag with a ball wearing jeans and no shirts.  It was so funny.  Sarah kept stopping in the middle of the mayhem and looking down at her belly button. She would just stare at it for a while while the boys laughed and tumbled all around her.  My funny, crazy kids.

If you are a mom (or a dad) you know what I mean when I say that my kids are just the world to me.  They are like a magnet when I am in the room with them.  I just want to squeeze them!  (Yes, a couple of them have been known to get annoyed with my loveyness.)  Sarah often tells me, "No kiss you!"  (She means for me not to kiss her so much.)  Sorry, sweet girl.  I can't help it sometimes!  I am just hopelessly in love with my kids! 

I know that I am not the only mom who is in love with her kids.  But some of these moms and dads have children who have cancer or other illnesses, and they have not been having good news like we have.  The purpose of this post is to ask for prayer for a few of these kids that I have been praying for.

Please pray for Savannah.  She is about ten years old, and she has been battling cancer for five years.  It is not looking very good at this point.  She needs a miracle.  Please pray!

And please pray for Jared.  He is nineteen years old, fighting cancer for the second time.  Instead of shrinking, it had been spreading.  But thankfully, he just recently started getting good news that some of the tumors have begun shrinking now.  Please pray!

Please pray for Rochelle.  She is in the hospital as I type this, having a high dose of chemo and a bone marrow transplant.  It's the second time she's had cancer.  My heart is heavy for her and her family, going through this again.

Dear friends, sometimes it seems that life on this earth just isn't fair.  And you know what?   It really isn't.  No one ever said that life on this earth would be fair.  Not even God. This world, as beautiful as it is, is tainted and stained by sin and all the ugliness that comes with it.  But what He did say is that it will not always be this way!  Evil and sickness and death will be defeated for good someday, and I believe it will not be in the far distant future.  We have the hope of an eternity that will be absent of every horrible thing we have grieved over during this lifetime.  No one will have cancer ever again.  No innocent child will be hurt or neglected.  And God in His infinite love has made a way for you to know Him and enjoy this eternal life with Him.  Click Here to know more.

So, hug your kids a little tighter today.  Be thankful for every day, the boring and the not so great included.  Keep kissing those cheeks, even if they get sick of it. ; )  And be thankful for our great God who loves us so much, He will make everything right in the end, and hug us and kiss our cheeks forever and ever.

Revelation 21:4-5--  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow , nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:  for the former things are passed away.  And He that sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new."

Part two :)

The boys' memory verse last week:

 "A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another.  As I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."  John 13:34-35

Continuing from my last post... : )   

God has been impressing upon my heart in recent months so strongly, that THIS is His big idea.  This is the thing that will be the most effective in reaching a dying world.  This is what sets Jesus apart from other "gods" and prophets, and should set us apart from other people.  When Jesus was on the earth, He attracted people to Himself.  Even apart from the miracles He did for them, and the amazing wisdom that He taught, He was irresistible to people.  Jesus truly loved people, and He consistently showed it.  He hated sin, but He loved people (and He still does.)  I believe that the more people see that we love them like Christ does, they will understand more clearly who Christ really is, and be more ready to listen when we tell them about Him.  I know, it's not some big secret, but I just don't think that we DO it enough.

Sometimes, it is just hard to really love people, though, isn't it?  Some people are just prickly, mean and nasty.  Or downright ornery stinkers!  How can we POSSIBLY love certain people?  Well, we can't.

This is the part I loved most about that David Jeremiah sermon I was telling you about.  He gave the illustration of how an ordinary piece of steel is just a piece of metal.  It doesn't have any power to do anything but sit there, and maybe be a paperweight.  But if you rub it against a magnet for a little while, something magical happens. The steel becomes a magnet itself!  It can pick up paper clips all on its own!  And THAT is how we can love those unlovable people.  If we just stay close to the source of love Himself, then we can love them like He loves them.  His Spirit is the power source.

Gossipy co-workers, whiny children, nosy neighbors, annoying telemarketers...God loves them enough to die for them.  And to be perfectly honest, you are not so lovable all the time yourself,  (me neither) and He loved us that much. 

Let's be willing to let our selfishness die, and let Christ's amazing love live in us, trusting Him to give us opportunities to share what He has done for us all--and then see what happens!



Thoughts about good ideas--and God ideas...

Tonight on my way to the grocery store, I was listening to a sermon by David Jeremiah.  You know when you have those times when you hear or read something, and you know that God is speaking straight to your heart?  THAT was what happened.  Out of the blue, it was like God was sitting right there speaking to me as plain as day.  I love it when that happens.
I reached my destination much too soon, and I just sat there in the parking lot until it was done, and hoped my hubby wouldn't mind watching our rugrats a few extra minutes.  More about the sermon later...

I read a blog post post the other day.  It was written by a Christian.  A pretty typical Christian, I would assume.  The post was about sharing Jesus with people, and different methods of doing that.  He mentioned talking to strangers and trying to just bring it up in conversation.  He mentioned passing out tracts.  He mentioned "living the gospel" but not really saying anything, and he talked about "friendship evangelism," or having a longterm friendship and sharing Christ along the way.  And then, he sadly admitted that he hasn't had much success with ANY of these methods.  Basically the conclusion was that they don't work very often.  It is just plain hard to share our faith with people, and we as Christians are just not very comfortable doing it.  Pretty much, that was the end of it.

I thought about and prayed about that post for a long time afterward.  I had already been spending a lot of time thinking about this very thing in recent weeks. What exactly is going on in this day in age in our nation, and others, I am sure.  What are we doing wrong?  Where is God's power?  Why do we seem to work and work and not get many results?  And here is what I think...

First of all, the problem does not have to do with God.  He is the same as always.  Always good, always loving, always amazingly powerful.  I still hear about and experience answers to prayer, often miraculous occurences, on a pretty regular basis.  But I know He has sooooo much more power He would love to display and share with us!  As I was reading this guy's post, I was struck by the hopelessness in it.  The feeling was, "Tried this--didn't work.  Tried that--didn't work.  Ho hum.  Might as well quit or try yet another method that might work better."  He did not mention the Holy Spirit's involvement or prayer.  His thinking was mostly in human terms.  "What can we do to fix this problem?  What would make the most sense?" 

The thing is, God does not really need our good ideas.  We simply need GOD ideas.  And the greatest ones are already written out for us in His Word.  I believe if we just used them, He would show us things we couldn't even imagine. 

I believe that the problem with Christianity today is that too often we Christians really, truly want to please God... but we also really, truly want to please ourselves.  We love God... but also, we love the world--even though we might pretend we don't.  We want to serve Him, but... we want to be comfy.  We want the Holy Spirit's power in our lives, but we don't really want to pray a whole lot.   If something is too hard...well, we just don't want to do it. 

I have been reading in Luke lately, and I recently read the passages in chapter 9 where Jesus is telling people what it will take to be His disciples.  One man says, "I will follow you,"  and Jesus says think about this first-- "The Son of Man has no place to lay His head."  In other words, "It is not going to be very comfy, friend."  Jesus says to another man, "Follow Me,"  but the man wants to go back and bury his father.  Perhaps he meant his father will die soon, and he needs to stay with him for now.  Jesus replies, "Let the dead bury their dead, but go and preach the kingdom of God."  Too harsh?  What He means is, to be Jesus' disciple, you have to be ready and willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him.  Jesus knew this man's heart.   Another man says, "Lord, I will follow you, but first let me go and say good-bye to my family."  Jesus says, "No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."  Yikes.  Jesus means business.  When He called His 12 disciples, He said, "Follow me," and they simply dropped what they were doing and went.  Such faith!  They were ready.  Ready to give up everything for Him!  How could God use us if we would give Him that kind of commitment?

I have also read biographies of great heroes of the faith.  Recently I've read about George Muller, Amy Carmichael,  Hudson Taylor, and D.L. Moody.  These people did amazing things for God in their lifetimes.  They didn't sit with committees and have meetings, thinking and strategizing about what methods would work the best.  They just wholeheartedly gave their lives over to God, and lived by faith so amazing I have never seen anyone like them in today's world--and prayed, prayed, prayed.   George Muller started orphanages from nothing, and ran them with no government help.  He never asked anyone for a dime, but simply prayed and trusted God for every penny, including his own salary.  Never once did the children go hungry.  Every single need was met, every single time.  He was busier than anyone, but he made the time to spend large chunks of time in prayer, alone and with others, every day!  Muller had a list of people he was praying for to come to know Jesus.  I am sure some of them were hard cases.  EVERY single one of them got saved, a couple of them after Muller had alrady passed away.  Muller understood Who has the power to make things happen.  It's not us, dear friends.

I guess what I am trying to say is that my writer friend up there seemed to be looking at the problem through human eyes, and not God's eyes.  We need to stop thinking like mere mortals.  We have the Holy Spirit, and He would love to do so much more if we would just surrender our lives to Him, and trust Him for the results!

Oops...I said I would tell you about that sermon.  I will have to leave that until next time.  Consider it part two, coming soon... : )

Out of the mouths of babes...

In case you have not figured it out by now, I really love the Lord.  I want to love Jesus so much and to be so filled by His Spirit, that He just overflows and blesses others through me.  I want to share with others how He changed my life, and how He will change their's too.  I want to use my talents for Him, and truly live my life with gusto for Him--giving generously, and going wherever He leads.

The problem is, I'm a grown up, and sometimes all these years of living on this earth have clouded my thinking.  Fears and inhibitions sometimes stop me from saying things I want to say, or giving the way I would like to.  Sometimes I am afraid that something I do for God might turn out silly or I might look foolish, or it might turn out badly for our family--so I don't do it.  Sometimes, I do not have faith that God will answer my prayers.  Sometimes, sadly....being a grown up just gets in the way of my dreams of living for God.  I continually need Him to help me overcome these doubts and fears that too often plague me.


And then, there are my children.  I know kids have a long way to go in some areas, but in some ways I'm afraid to say they leave us in the dust.  Sometimes I think that if kids had the resources we do--money and transportation, etc.,  they might do a better job of reaching our lost world! 


For example, my nine year old, Josh, decided the other day that he needed to lead his friend across the street to the Lord.  So he got his Bible, headed over there, struck up that conversation, and shared Jesus with that little boy.  And he did accept Jesus as his Savior! : )  Josh was so excited about it, he was telling me that night he wished he had MORE friends who did not know Jesus.   And, he continually reminds me that I need to get together with his friend's mom, and invite them to church with us.  Never mind that I don't know them very well.


And, last night before bed I was reading the boys a true story about a little girl who spent her spare time passing out tracts and Bibles to people.  With a sweet smile, she bravely gave a man who was drunk a gospel of John.  He took it and read it, and it changed his life.  He accepted Christ, and ended up serving in a church from then on.  After I finished that story, my six year old said, with conviction, "Mom, that's what I want my job to be--while I'm a kid!"


Kids get it.  They understand the mission, and they know God will equip them.  If God says it, then we should do it!  It makes total sense that God says we need to be like a child in order to enter into His Kingdom.  Such perfect faith, untainted by years of the world and the devil crowding his lies into our minds.


Here are the lyrics to a song Josh wrote earlier this year.  I think you will like it...

I will remember You, even in the darkest time.

I will remember You, every hour of the day.

I will remember You as I sing this song,

'Cause You are the Ruler of the earth.

And I will praise You,

And I will never be scared with You, Lord.

I sleep silently every night, with You.

Oh how I love You all the day.

You make me a room to stay every night.

You give me water and food.

Oh how I love You.

I'll sing Your praises.

You will always be my God.

You give us blessings every day.

You are the one and only God,

And how I love You.

Let's pray that God will make us a little more like children this year.  What do you think?

It's not always the most wonderful time of the year...

I have had this post on my mind for a little while.  But I just didn't think I could write it without it coming across the wrong way, so I left it alone.  But I just can't stop thinking about it, so I am going to try to say what's on my heart as gently as I can, because I certainly don't mean to offend anyone even in the slightest!

I think it's so heartbreaking that Christmas is a sad time of year for people.  I understand completely of course why that might happen.  People lose loved ones, and they miss them the most around holidays-- especially Christmas in many cases.  I would too!  Some people have cherished traditions they have always followed, and now they can't for some reason.  Some have lost jobs, money is not there, children are wayward, maybe there was a divorce or there is an illness.  We know some families whose children are going to be in the hospital in the process of having bone marrow transplants right over the Christmas holiday.  There is no end to the heartbreak that plagues us as human beings living in this fallen world, and sadly, holidays can just be downright painful when all is not right with us.  I don't mean to make light of any of this.  And I pray with all my heart that if this is you this Christmas, that God would lift your burden--whatever it is. 

I guess the reason why I decided to go ahead and write this post, is to try and encourage people who might be feeling down.  God has been impressing it upon my heart so strongly that Christmas really is simply what it is.  It is the birth of His Son, the Savior of the world.  Like I said a few posts back, isn't that amazing??  There is nothing whatsoever sad about it!  Christmas is the celebration of the very best thing that has EVER happened on this planet.  The One who came to bring an END to all of the terrible things I wrote about up there.  The One who is with us and helps us through them.  The One who made a way for us to leave this old, dilapadated, stinky world with all of its troubles and live forever with Him.  Treading very lightly, I am just suggesting that probably God would not want us to be sad around Christmas time of all times!  It doesn't really make sense when you think about it that way.  Don't you wish that we could take off all our human emotions (because I know that is easier said than done) and simply see CHRIST at Christmas?  It really doesn't have anything to do with our human family, our traditions, our things, the presents, or anything we tack onto it to make us feel warm and happy.  Those things are wonderful, and trust me, we do all of those things as part of our celebration.  But I am trying to remind myself always that those are manmade Christmas ideas that can be taken away.  I don't want to get so attached to them that I would not be able to enjoy Christmas without them.  Does that make sense?

I guess I'm just saying that I wish nobody had to be sad at Christmas time. My hope is that everyone could put aside their expectations about what Christmas should feel like, and focus entirely on what it really is.  And I think if we could do that, this whole world couldn't contain our joy! 

Merry Christmas from us to you.  To God be all the glory for the wonderful gift He has given us!!

John 3:16--For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Christmas time!

December is zooming by, isn't it?  Christmas is in 12 DAYS!  I heard someone say that today, and I could hardly believe it!  We have been busy--well, I should say I have been busy.  My poor boys have been pretty bored, since we have had a lot of cold, but hardly any snow, which makes for long days in the house.  Sarah and I have been spending lots of time together, though...in the hospital, at the clinic, and at the surgery center where she gets her eye exams.  She had one today..........Still not a trace of a tumor anywhere!! 

Anyway, we have been trying our best to focus on Jesus and not this old world and all of its glittery trappings.  And in the midst of all the appointments, school, Christmas shopping and life in general, I have been doing it. Focusing on Jesus.  Just being quiet in the center of my soul, and thankful for what He did for us.  Really, isn't it amazing?  We are so wicked.  Really, we are.  The message at church on Sunday was about our sin, and how we truly are guilty.  Let's not sugar coat it, because our sin problem is at the heart of it all.  God made us for Himself, to glorify Him, and we are so saturated in sin.  We run from Him every chance we get.  I am so appalled at how my mouth is so quick to complain.  To talk about someone in not so nice of a way.  To be negative and bitter.  And, unfortunately, that is just a reflection of what is too often in my heart.  It's so ugly.  I am so sorry about it all! 

And yet, God in His mercy did not give up on us. On the contrary, He ran TO us.  Just think.  What if you were able to make a person.  You painstakingly created him, and your plan was to have a loving relationship with him.  You never once did anything to let him down, and gave him everything he ever needed.  But instead of loving you in return, he turned his back on you, broke your rules, and wanted nothing to do with you.  Wouldn't you give up on that ungrateful brat?  But God...He is so full of mercy.  He knows we are lost in sin.  He knows we are really made of dust.  He knows we can't do anything on our own to make that relationship right again.  So, instead of giving up, He continued to give.  He gave us a long letter, His very Word, to help us and teach us.  It spells out every little thing we need to know.  And He gave us His Son--part of Himself--to come here and be one of us.  A baby with a gassy tummy.  An awkward teenager.  One of us with all of our aches and pains and pimples and wrinkles.  He allowed Himself to be tempted, and put up with it so that we would know we could relate to Him.  That He would understand.  And finally He gave up His very life in one of the worst possible ways because it was the only thing that could be done to pay our sin debt.   He wanted us to see how very, very much He loves us, in spite of our wicked hearts.  What else could He possibly do to show us?  Nothing.  He did it all.  He sacrificed His life to take the punishment for our sins.  So that we could be FREE!  Free from sin, and free from guilt.  So that we could be righteous in His eyes, and have that perfect fellowship with Him, even forever and ever! 

It's just so amazing.

Christmas.  It's time to celebrate that amazing love.  Have a wonderful Christmas season, remembering how truly loved and blessed we are!

(And that was completely NOT what this post was going to be about, but it's what came out of my fingers when I started typing. Hope you enjoyed it!)  : )



Tomorrow is exam day!

Life is great around here!  Sarah is doing so well!  She is really back to her smiley, sparkly self!  She is eating and drinking well--today we didn't even have to force her and she has already reached the full amount she is supposed to drink! 

Maybe the best part about a trial, second to the spiritual growth that can accompany it, is how really wonderful normal life feels when the trial is past.  I am ALWAYS grateful for Sarah's happy little personality.  But hearing those laughs and giggles throughout the day and seeing that smile and those eyes squinting into little slits--all day long...

There is just nothing better. : ) 

Tomorrow morning we see Dr. Aaburg!  Please be praying tonight that if that tumor is still there today, it will be GONE by the time he peeks in there tomorrow!  I was nervous.  Very nervous.  I didn't even want to go to the appointment.  I didn't think my heart could take the suspense!  But now I am feeling at peace.  I know one thing for sure.  GOD IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS.  And if that is true, then His Word is true, His promises are true.  And one of those promises is that He will never leave us or forsake us.  He also promises that EVERYTHING works out for the good of those who love Him.   The Bible is plumb full of wonderful news for us, His beloved children.  How can we doubt Him even for a second? 

Check back tomorrow, and I will let you know the results...thanks for praying, dear friends and lurkers!

Speeding towards home!

I will catch you all up on the latest...

Sarah's white blood cell count was in the 6000's  today, and she is considered engrafted--which means her bone marrow blood making factory is up and running!  What this means is, we are in high gear getting our house ready for Sarah to come home.  If you missed my original bone marrow transplant post, one of the biggest deals about this whole thing is that our house has to be completely spotless as much as we can get it before she comes home.  The goal is to rid the house of germs and dust as much as we can.  Even though she has plenty of white blood cells, they may be too immature to fight off some infections, so she will still have many restrictions until the end of January.

So, the duct cleaners came today, some precious friends have a duct cleaning business, and they came and did it for us on the spot!  The carpets will all be cleaned tomorrow, and I have some wonderful ladies with servants' hearts coming tomorrow to help me CLEAN!  Oh my, we were so stressed, but now we are feeling more in control. 

The other big news is, Sarah got to leave this room today!  She wore a mask, and we went on a little field trip with Rhys (remember when I told you about him?) down to see the lady who makes the ID badges that all the docs and nurses wear.  Sarah loves those things and always snags them from the nurses who come in, so she got to get her picture taken, and get her very own.  It says, Dr. Sarah, Main Big Wig of the BMT. (Bone Marrow Transplant) : )   Then we took another walk around the halls later to show off her new badge to everyone.

She is doing fantastic!  She is eating and drinking and apart from a little runny nose and a bit of left over tummy issues, feeling fine.  Our BMT nurse this morning again told me how completely awesome she is doing compared to all the other kids.  She calls Sarah her little superstar!  But we all know who the REAL SUPERSTAR is!!  And Sarah just got to be on the receiving end of His Super Powers. : )  That same nurse said Sarah is being discharged faster than ANY BMT patient she has seen.  Only 3 weeks and we are done!

Today marks 3 weeks, and tomorrow we leave this hospital room!  We actually could have gone home on Thursday, but since the carpets are just getting cleaned tomorrow, they want them to air out for a couple of days before she comes, so we are going to stay in the hospital "hotel" until Friday.  I think that is going to be kind of fun.  The boys were so cute today, so excited for her to come home soon!

So, once more let me tell you what God did......

He allowed Sarah to get this treatment (even if it has awful side effects) that she needed.

He let her have fun and no symptoms in the hospital for 6 days before things started to get bad.

She only had 5 bad days.

We prayed for no mouth sores.  She got only one when the other kids normally have lots of them.  One nurse I talked to said in all her years of seeing BMT kids, she only saw ONE that did not get mouth sores.  When I heard her say that, I knew it was possible...and it WAS with GOD!  That other kid probably had lots of people praying for him too.  I'm really not sure why God did let her get one.  But even that one wasn't very bad. 

There were no complications during the time her counts were low.  No infections, no trouble with her other organs, or any of the other scary things that could have happened.

When her counts started coming back up, she was back to herself in about a day, already eating pizza.: )

She is seemingly unaffected by the whole ordeal.  She is such a precious treasure.  I am totally not kidding.

And the hidden gem in all of this to me personally is that I was able to have all of this time with Sarah all to myself.  In my busy life with several kids, there just is not a whole lot of time to focus on just one of them for hours and hours.  And I was thinking tonight as I played, read, sang, watched videos, and cuddled with Sarah, how truly thankful I am for this part of it.  I am just so thankful to my Lord and Savior and best Friend-- for everything I mentioned up there, and for giving me the beautiful gift of being Sarah's mother.  He has shown Himself faithful every step along the way, in so many ways.  Most of them too personal to even try to explain.  If you know Him, then you probably know what I'm talking about.  And if you don't know Him, then I hope you will soon. 

Thank you each of you who has prayed for us.  And please don't stop if the Lord brings us to mind.  We still won't know for a little while if the chemo accomplished what it was supposed to do, and we can all pray for good results, as well as smooth sailing as we transition our girl home with a still immature immune system.

Good night from the hospital for probably the last time...hopefully forever!!  Have a wonderful day tomorrow!

      With big sis, Cassandra on her first day not attached to machines!

Getting ready to get her picture taken for her dr. badge with Rhys.  First she needed to check out his cool watch. : )

Living through the tough times

So, we are at day 6 post transplant.  At the risk of sounding like I am looking for sympathy, I will tell you a little about what it's like for us at this point.  Imagine:

Your baby has a temp. hovering a little over 101 that subsides with tylenol, only to bounce back up for over 2 days.

She has diarrhea over and over again, multiple times a day and through the night.

She hasn't eaten any solid food, only sips of drinks here and there, since Monday.  She is being fed intravenously.

She complains of her tummy hurting and wants you to rub it--pretty much all day long.

She doesn't want to play and doesn't smile for most of the day.

She wakes up from her nap feeling nauseous and spitting out saliva and mucus because she sometimes doesn't want to swallow.

Your two hospital stay tag team-mates cannot come and be with your baby at the hospital anymore because they have colds, or what might be colds, so you stay there for days without leaving.

You are pretty much unable to nap here at the hospital.

Your baby's white blood cell count jumped up from 80 to 290....back down to 80 again. : (

And that was my day!

I promise I didn't tell you all that to make you feel sorry for us.  It is true that today was the worst day over all.  A combination of things caused it, the biggest culprit being that annoying temperature she has that won't go down (that they say is very common post transplant), and getting her pain medication situation figured out.  Hopefully by tomorrow we will be able to have it controlled better.

Honestly, we are okay.  First of all, Sarah, as most children are, is very resilient.  She can be moaning with pain one second, and then the next when the medication is working, she will be totally fine and playing, like she forgot all about it.  That first bad day that almost did me in, she was vomiting so pitifully.  I thought I would never survive this ordeal.  As soon as she was done, I asked her how her tummy was feeling, and she paused a second, and said with a cute little hand gesture, Feeling fine.  : )  And was soon playing as if she forgot all about it.  Tonight after a day of feeling lousy, the meds kicked in, and she was singing and doing the motions with Barney, reading books happily with Mommy, and playing with her new doctor set, as if everything was normal.  As hard as it is to watch her suffering, I know she is really coming through this okay.  And, as bad as it is, everyone assures me that still she is doing so much better than most!  She is still talking, playing a little, and taking her medicine fine.  Things unheard of in almost all transplant kids.  Also, still no sores in her mouth, although we do think they have crept up to her throat, and so she is not swallowing as much anymore.

And I am okay too.  I have learned a few things.  First, God gives mothers the patience and strength to handle things like this.  It is truly not too hard.  It is tiring, but it feels natural.  It's simply what moms do.  I love being here with Sarah, hugging her, cuddling her, rocking her when she needs me.  I am sooooo happy to be her mom, and to be able to help lift some of this burden from her.

And I've learned that it truly truly is in these times, that God gives you His most intimate, loving presence as a gift to show you that He truly is sufficient.  If you just allow Him, He really will surround you with His peace.  It is so easy to draw close to Him.  It feels like He is just sitting on the hospital room couch, waiting for me to have a free minute to come and spend time with Him, and as soon as I do, He is right there, filling my soul.  How I treasure these quiet times with Him, away from the sometimes chaotic life that I normally live, away from television, telephones, responsibilities and the stuff of the world.  Just focused on Him, thanking Him for all He is and all He gives, and praying for my girl, knowing that He has her in His hands.

And that is why we are okay.  Because even though sometimes things are not good, it does not mean that God is not good.  We can make it through anything because He is with us, loving us through.  He can do the same for you.  I hope you will trust Him today.

Thank you for praying for us!  I am praying for a better day tomorrow, and it won't be long until this will all be a memory and we will be on our way home again!

God is good all the time...

And all the time, God is GOOD!

Here's the entry I read yesterday in my devotional book, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young:

Psalm 34:8--Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.  Blessed is the man that trusteth in Him.

Taste and see that I am good.  The more intimately you experience Me, the more convinced you become of My goodness.  I am the Living One who sees you and longs to participate in your life.  I am training you to find Me in each moment and to be a channel of My loving Presence.  Sometimes My blessings come to you in mysterious ways:  through pain and trouble.  At such times you can know My goodness only through your trust in Me.  Understanding will fail you, but trust will keep you close to Me.

Thank Me for the gift of My Peace, a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom its depth or breadth.  When I appeared to My disciples after the resurrection, it was Peace that I communicated first of all.  I knew this was their deepest need:  to calm their fears and clear their minds.  I also speak Peace to you, for I know your anxious thoughts.  Listen to Me!  Tune out other voices, so that you can hear Me more clearly.  I designed you to dwell in Peace all day, every day.  Draw near to Me;  receive My Peace.


I wanted to share that with you because it was such a breath of God to me yesterday.  We sailed through last week, and everyone was becoming so optimistic that Sarah might escape the worst of what this chemo typically (okay, nearly ALWAYS) does to people.  The chances were so slim that she would come out of it with no problems, but yet I knew God could DO IT!  And He could have.  But, God's ways are not our ways, and He chose to let us experience some of what the other families do when they go through this valley.  Yesterday morning, Sarah starting having some nausea and vomiting on top of the little bit of other tummy problems she was having.  It turns out that she did start getting the dreaded mucositis--sores that normally run from the mouth all the way down the digestive tract.  She did not get them in her mouth or esophagus yet it seems, and that is still a huge blessing, but the stomach ones are causing her pain and nausea.  So, they started putting her on all kinds of medicines now to keep her comfortable.  It was rough at first--quite honestly one of the worst days I have experienced.  But now it seems the problem is pretty much under control. Thank the Lord for this modern age of medicines!  The drawback is, she is so sleepy all the time.  That's really not too bad of a problem though, as long as she is comfortable. 

So, even though I am disappointed, I am still happy that she lasted as long as she did, which means that she won't have as long of a time to suffer.  The doctor says probably by the end of this week she could start feeling better already!  We are certainly hoping so and praying to that end.

We are so thankful for the gift of peace that God gives so freely when we trust Him and accept it.  We can't always know the "why's," but we can know His perfect peace at all times.  And that, we have found, is truly the best gift of all.

Blessings to you today! 

So far, so good...

Happy Friday, everyone!  I am having a great day.  The sun is shining, the leaves are absolutely, incredibly beautiful, and Sarah is happy and well.  I thought you would enjoy some pictures...

And this is what the drive home looks like.  I love our city...

And this is what we see when we come home...

God is so good to give us all this beauty to enjoy!  You know, He could have made the leaves stay green, or just turn straight to brown.  The best things in life really are free, and everyone can enjoy them! 

Thank you for continuing to support us and pray for us!  (That's another wonderful thing that's free.)  : )

Done with day 2 of the hospital stay...

It's 8:11 pm.  I am home waiting for laundry to get done so I can get back to the hospital. It's annoying that I have to wash Sarah's separately from the rest of the family because it means extra loads. I suppose it's a small price to pay for one less thing to worry about, though. 

Yesterday went great.  Everyone on the floor was so excited to see Sarah.  They all really love her, and I must admit it's with good reason! : )  She did get to come out of her room yesterday and today and until her counts start dropping, so we took advantage of that.  They brought some therapy dogs around the floor just to see the kids, and they were so cute.  Too bad Sarah's eye just happened to be bothering her at the time because I know she would have loved them.

Last night, Sarah slept wonderfully through all the multiple times people came into our room.  Too bad Mommy didn't.  : (

Today was another good day.  She started chemo, but so far felt no effects from it.  We took another walk around the floor, played in the playroom, and brought big lego blocks back to our room.  She loved them, and spent lots of time making really tall towers, "clinic houses" and water spouts.  And of course her stuffed purple spider spent lots of time climbing the water spouts.  Oh yeah, and she built lots of hospital scales.  Including all the time she spends playing with the stethoscope, "temperature," froggy hugs and putting on gloves, most of Sarah's play time is usually medical related.  I suppose that's a good thing?

Finally, around naptime, Cassandra came to relieve me, and I came home to do school with the boys.  That went pretty well, actually.  I think this schedule is going to work.

I am really so very thankful. 

Thankful for the first rate hospital we live so near. 
Thankful that our room has a beautiful view, and it's fall.
Thankful that we have a comfy mat on our floor to play on.  I was thinking it was just going to be a month of a cold, hard floor.
Thankful for the nurses and other staff.
Thankful that it's FALL.  I absolutely LOVE it!  (Did I already mention that?)
Thankful that we can take turns at the hospital.
Thankful for the people who are bringing us meals!
Thankful for Sarah.
Thankful for God. 

Dear friends, I will mention this now, and probably many many times.  God is the reason we are getting through this.  He is everything we need and everything we could ever want.  He loves to bless those who trust Him, and we have seen it happen countless times.  I don't mean by "blessing" that everything will always go our way.  I wouldn't even want everything to always go my way.  I want things to go HIS way, because I know His way is best.  Once you understand this, it puts everything in perspective, and you can let go of any worry or fear.  I am looking at this whole experience in terms of the eternal perspective.  He is teaching us so much.  He is drawing us so close to Him.  We can rise above all our circumstances if we just keep our eyes off of the frightening things around us, and focused on Him and the finish line.  Small things like extra laundry?  It's really no big deal.  Big things like a bone marrow transplant?  He's got it covered. 

And so, I'm thankful.  And I am loving having some relaxing time just hanging out at the hospital with my girl. : )

Today's thoughts at the hospital

Today Sarah had an MRI.  It was uneventful as far as the scan went.  We went, she got her froggy hug, light on her finger and tubees drink (of sleepy juice) and went to sleep.  Got the scan but had no idea, woke up, had a snack and some apple juice, and we went home to play. 

While she was having the scan done, I had some time to myself.  So like I've done in the past, I went upstairs to the cafeteria and sat alone with coffee and a good book to pass the time.  I actually really like the cafeteria at the hospital.  Two entire walls are floor to ceiling windows.  There's something about the atmosphere in there that I like.  I love watching the people. 

But today for some reason-- maybe I was extra tired...or maybe it was the discouraging news about that stubborn tumor from the other day-- I had a really hard time as I was sitting there.  Probably the worst I've felt about this whole thing since the very beginning when we got the diagnosis.  In fact it felt a lot like I felt that first week all of a sudden, like a wave washing over me, and ironically I was sitting at the very same table I was sitting at when we first got the diagnosis and I called my mom to tell her about it.  I had the picture in my mind of Peter walking on the water keeping his eyes on Jesus, but then as soon as he he looked around he started sinking.  And that was how I felt.  Like I was starting to sink.  The feeling didn't last all day, thankfully.  I'm doing better now again. But as I was sitting there letting my mind begin to wander to what could possibly happen, I was also looking around the room.

So many people in that room, all ages and nationalities.  Rich, poor, professional health care workers, patients and families, college kids wiping tables.  And I thought about how short life is, and how short it really can be.  I thought about eternity, and I wondered how many of those people think about it.

I wonder if you have thought about it lately.  I don't mean to be morbid or depressing, but it is true that none of us will last forever.  We believe that Sarah is going to make it through this.  But I ask you today to think about your eternity.  It's too important not to think about.  And if you have questions, seek the answers.  The Bible says that if you seek, you will find. 

These are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through His Name.  John 20:31

Update...

Hello faithful friends, family and guests.....

Well, we got back from the surgery center with Dr. Aaberg.  He did an exam under sedation and some cryotherapy (freezing treatment), but this time didn't do the shot of chemo.  Cassandra went with Sarah and me this time because she wanted to be there to hear the news about any progress with that VERY PESKY tumor. 

Turns out she shouldn't have been anxious to come. The bad news is, that tumor did not change.  AT ALL-  since the last time he did this about 4 weeks ago.  Oh, how discouraging and frustrating it is that this teeny little thing,  only about a millimeter across, is so stinking stubborn!

You know, it is at times like these that you wonder what God is doing.  I know with all of my heart and being that God is in complete control.  Friends who know Him, and those who don't, I can tell you from experience that He IS.  He is here...He is only good...and He is always loving.  It is the very definition of who He is.  My faith doesn't waver even for a second, and this kind of thing doesn't stop me from loving Him and knowing all of this.  Not anymore, anyway.  I've had my share of times when I couldn't say that I always 100% believed that, but I have seen Him come through so many times, not only in my own life, but in others' lives, that I simply can't help but know it. 

But I still wonder why, just like we all do when things like this come into our lives.  Why doesn't God just reach down and squash that tumor?  He took care of the huge one in a couple of weeks.  He took care of the other small ones in her good eye.  They are all dead and gone except for one measly stinker.  Ugh. : (

So, we continue to wait on Him, and trust Him, and trust that He is giving the doctors wisdom about what to do next.  The next thing on the schedule is an MRI on Wednesday, just to make sure that everything else in her eye sockets and brain still looks clear.  Then on Friday the tumor board meets to discuss all the recent results.  We will meet with Dr. Smith, Sarah's main dr. in charge of treatment soon to hear the main points of the discussion and their recommendations as to what's next.  And it looks like that is going to be a very high dose of chemo and her bone marrow transplant along with it, probably the second week of October or so.

There is some good news along with the sad news.  Dr. Aaberg is not surprised that this treatment is not working well, and I find that a little comforting at least.  The reason why the thing is so stubborn is because it is a seed that has broken off from the retina wall.  There is not good blood flow inside the eye, so there is no great way for the treatment to really penetrate that tumor.  He said that there is a good chance that the high dose of chemo she will be getting will take care of it.  He is discouraged, but not surprised and not despairing.  Also, Sarah is doing really well today!  The last two times she had this treatment, she had quite a bit of discomfort and pain, and this time she is already opening her eye and seeming fine.  That is a huge praise!

So, we press on.  I am really feeling now more than ever, the need to pray with fervency.  This tumor is strong, but God is waaaaaaay stronger.  I think my faith has been lulled to sleep a bit lately, and today was a wake up call for me.  Will you pray with us? 

Thank you so much for staying on this journey with us!  We love and appreciate you!!