Tonight I just need to say that I am weary! I am tired from hearing of so many people, especially children, who are sick with serious things like cancer lately, and tired from all of the creation groanings going on in such a short period of time. Earthquakes, the tsunami, tornadoes, destruction from this and that. If these things don't all point to the fact that the Bible is true and Jesus is coming soon, I don't know what does! Today I was in my car alone with God, listening to two different radio programs, and I found it interesting that both hosts said the same thing. And I mean the exact same words! All of these things that seem to be disasters going on around us have at least one positive thing that we can see. They shout to us that LIFE IS FRAGILE. They both used those three words. And they pointed out that it takes these types of tragedies to make it sink into us sometimes that we all need to remember how fragile life really is. Be ready, friends!
I was sitting drinking some coffee and reading a book today. I had a few short moments to try to relax after school time and before the dinner preparations. And as I sat there, I listened to the sounds of my boys laughing and playing together like they didn't have a care in the world. And really, aside from being forced to do math and chores, they really do not have many cares in this world.
At times like these, I realize again how much we can learn from our children. I wish I could trust, forgive, and love unconditionally the way they do. But something else made me pause and wish I could be more like children today.
I am good at feeling guilty about things. I guess we women are typically great at that. I feel guilty if I don't spend enough time with my kids or my husband, guilty if all the laundry's not done or if the house isn't clean enough, guilty for not cooking more nutritious meals, guilty for this, and guilty for that. And if I do something that is a bona fide sin...well, I have got the repentance part DOWN. No problems realizing that I am guilty. My problem resides sometimes in remembering that I am forgiven!
Well, one of my boys did something wrong the other day. I know, it's suprising that my children are not perfect, but it's true. It happened to be a pretty big deal, and a great teaching moment came out of it. Scott talked to him, and I talked to him. We talked about the importance of repentance, and assured him of our forgiveness and God's forgiveness. We also used the opportunity to teach about temptation, and how we have to be prepared to fight against it, using our greatest weapon, God's Word. He truly was repentant, and we prayed together, and I was thankful for that part of it.
And then I kept thinking about it. I began to be haunted by thoughts like, "What could I have done to have helped him to avoid that mistake ahead of time?" And "How could he have done such a stupid thing?" And I kept thinking and thinking about it, and feeling somehow responsible, and sorry for my son, because certainly this might ruin his sense of self worth or something...
And my boy? He went off and played.
It's not that he wasn't truly sorry. We could tell he really was. It was because he gets it that when God says it's done, it's done. If He says we are forgiven when we ask, then we are. It's not rocket science. Part of having an abundant life is knowing that God loves us no matter what, that He does not keep a record of wrongs, and that things are great between us again, every time we come to Him and tell Him we know we blew it and we are sorry.
Today is Good Friday...the day we remember the amazing thing God did for us. The fact that He loved us so much, even knowing we were dirty rotten sinners, that He came down here to be one of us, putting up with all the junk down here, and giving everything He had--His very life--To pay the penalty for our sins, and to give us the gift of a relationship with Him, here on earth, and forever! Such amazing love. Oh, how I hope you can grasp it! And invite Him into your life if you haven't already.
This is abundant life, friends. It doesn't mean that we will always be perfect, or that everything will always go our way. I am laughing just thinking about that! What it means is that even on our worst days, when we feel guilt ridden, or down in the dumps, or angry or pouty or whatever...we can remember that God loves us and died for us--even though we are downright ugly sometimes, and He knows it! And if we remember that, we simply can't stay down for long.
We might as well grab someone and go play.
If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. John 8:36
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
So, a few days after Christmas, we were home enjoying new toys and things, and Ben, who is six, decided to run away from home. We are not sure when or why the idea popped into his head. I suspect the seed sprouted when I made him write a pageful of sentences saying that he would be kind to others, and then made him write quite a few more since he didn't do the first set correctly. (By the end of the page it looked like he was writing something like I of the sldk...or something like that. Not even close.)
However, when he decided he wanted to go, the sentences incident was long done and over with, and he insisted it had nothing to do with that. He said he had gotten the idea based on a story we had once read, and thought it would be fun. So, with all seriousness, he packed a backpack. I'm not even sure what he put in it, but a lot of thought was put into it. We were all trying to help him think it through. Extra socks might be important, Cassandra and Uncle Greg who happened to be over, advised him to bring a toothbrush, but I don't think that made his cut. He said he would walk to fast food restaurants and explain to them that he had run away, and he was sure they would give him food. ; ) When we asked him where he would sleep, he wasn't really sure, but he thought he might knock on people's doors. (YES, we DID tell him how dangerous that would be, and yes, we have warned him about strangers many, many times.) When we asked him how long he intended to be away, he said probably until he was seven. (That's a few months, folks.)
So, he put on his coat and backpack, gave everyone hugs, and left with a big smile.
I peeked out the front door at him as he went...
And I reminded him to zip up his coat...
And no, we are not crazy. We sent Josh to follow him with instructions to not let him go too far. We were all curious to see exactly what he would do.
He walked to the neighborhood school playground--where else?--and then Josh told him he'd better come home. And he did. : )
He informed me that he really was planning on staying gone for at least a day. Not sure how that would have worked out for him... Jacob asked him why in the world would he want to leave all of his new legos?? Very good question.
And then I started thinking about that. Why would a little boy decide in his little mind to leave a warm, comfy home, plenty of food, a warm bed, all the love and hugs you could want, AND brand new Christmas toys?? Because, he just wanted something different. A new adventure. And unfortunately, that's what so many people, even Christians, so often do. Sometimes we don't want to follow the rules, love our neighbors, etc. Sometimes Christians just want some adventure. Adventure that really is dangerous, and honestly doesn't make sense. When God has promised to meet all of our needs, and even gives us so many "Christmas toys," why would anyone want to run away from Him? That is a very good question, indeed.
Tonight I am going to let you in on another resolution. Part of me doesn't want to tell you, because then I feel like I will have some accountability--but accountability is a good thing! If I tell you, then maybe I will ACTUALLY follow through on this resolution which I can't really imagine myself doing. Tonight is the night I am going to start! Tonight, I am going to.....GO TO BED EARLY! Well, earli-ER than I usually do. And I am going to continue going to bed early every night. Except maybe Friday nights. : ) You want to know what my new bedtime is going to be? 12:00! I know, that doesn't sound early. But trust me, our family is an entire family of night owls. We basically coined the term. Hubby and I don't normally hit the hay until around 1 or 2, and honestly, sometimes it is 3!!! I know, it's terrible. This is true confessions, right here. Just keeping it real. And I am going to get up earlier too. I really really need to!
And this goes along with another resolution--a much more important one. I've been so focused this year on Sarah, of course, but also on what this Christian life is all about. In the back of my mind, I think, I had it a little confused, even though I knew better. When I have been considering what God wants from us this year, I kept focusing on people. My mind was always buzzing with thoughts of how I can reach out to people, how can we as a family show love and share Christ, how can we help orphans and the poor... God gave me a great idea that I will share with you soon. All of these things are important and right, but I missed something even more important. I realized the other day that I spend so much more time thinking and planning about how to impact OTHERS, and less on how to grow my OWN relationship with Jesus, and on my children's spiritual lives. I get up too late each day, and then I'm forced to scramble to fit in all the necessary stuff like appointments, school, laundry, meals, and family fun. Real, quality personal time with God often hasn't made the "cut", and unfortunately, my perpetually tired state from lack of sleep has left me too weary sometimes to really spend that time teaching and training my children correctly. Too often we have taken the easy road in disciplining our kids that doesn't necessarily reach their hearts. Does that make sense? I know, I'm probably the only one who struggles with this kind of stuff, but bear with me. ; )
Sooo...here's to new beginnings! Don't you love how gracious God is? I can just hear Him cheering me on!
Oh dear. It's already getting close to that bedtime hour. Ugh--this might not be easy!
