Sunday, November 21, 2010

Our Little Spat

Every now and then I hope you don't mind if I stray from the topic of Sarah and the kids to something else.  Today it's something you can chew on.  And it's a personal story about a little "discussion" we had.  That's always a good read, isn't it?

So...remember in my last post I mentioned that the devil began to attack us after our great news.  First, Scott had to work a lot and I was really tired.  Then, Ben got that stomach flu, and if anyone is reading this who knows me for real, they know that when I say I hate the stomach flu, I really, really mean it.  I mean, we might get it in our house once or twice a year, and those days are the very worst days of the year for me.  That is how badly I hate it.  I get stressed trying to keep everyone else from getting it, and I am afraid of getting it myself.  And I do everything possible to avoid getting a germ from someone in the house.  I change clothes after hugging the sick person, I do not kiss my husband,  just IN CASE he might be harboring the germ without knowing it.  And this all came on the heels of me being in the hospital for a long time and he had a cold (and so we were not really snuggly then either...)  Well, things were stressful. 

So, he asked me out on a date on Friday.  Cassandra agreed to babysit, and I was glad to get out of the house.  I could tell that he wasn't very happy as we were leaving, so I asked him what was wrong. 

I will keep our conversation private, but suffice it to say that he told me something about how he felt about my behavior.  And it wasn't positive.  He wasn't mean, and it was just matter of fact, but he just laid it right out there on the table.

Well, that was just about all I could take right then.  Seriously??  You tell me this right now??  I was so hurt and angry.  My gut reaction was to go on and on about how we had the stomach flu in the house, and I just got out of being in the hospital for 3 weeks, and our daughter just got done having cancer, for goodness sake, and he wasn't exactly being Prince Charming either, and you get the picture.  I was just so hurt.  Oh, it was not a pretty sight in that car I am sorry to say. : (

We didn't go out together, I was so upset.  Instead, I went to the mall, and got some warm soup and hot tea at a book store, and planned on nursing my misery.  Only, something else happened.  As I sat there and stewed for a while, I also started praying about the whole thing.  And as I prayed, I decided to stop pitying myself and start thinking rationally about what he said.  And the more I did that, the more I realized he was right.  *GASP*!  Now, I knew he was not perfect either, and his timing for telling me how he felt was probably not the best, considering how stressed I had been, but the thing he told me was correct.  And I knew that I needed to repent and apologize, no matter how difficult that would be.  By the time I left for home, I was pretty well done being angry at him, and planning out what I was going to say. 

Things were strained that evening, but I did tell him that he was right and I was sorry, and I even refrained from saying anything to him about all the times he wronged ME... (You know how tempting that is.)

This is a very personal story, and I really didn't want to share our dirty laundry with you, but I did it for a reason.  Early in our marriage, I was very bad at this.  This scenario most likely would not have happened, because we both tended to be me-centered, and it was hard for us to apologize without pointing out the other one's faults.  When something icky came between us like this, sometimes it would take a long time for it to get resolved because we were both so stinking stubborn. 

But since I allowed the Lord to speak to my heart and do things His way, this little spat ended very differently.  My hubby apologized too, for making me so upset, and he admitted that he had not been the perfect husband either.  The rift was mended immediately.  I am not so scared about that stomach bug anymore, so we even smooched some. ; )  And today that man of mine was going out of his way to make me feel loved--including cleaning the kitchen for me.

There are two ways we can handle it when we are angry with our spouse.  We can get defensive and angry and nurse our pain, or we can think about what they said, apologize, and let it go.  Did you know that the Bible tells us all the answers about how we should handle every situation?  And if we just listen and obey, the result is always the best!  How I wish I had learned that part about being repentant and selfless a long time ago...but I hope you can learn it and use it in your marriage now!


  1. Oh, oh, oh...girl, I am so with you on every word of this! I have been there a million times. I've reacted quite wrongly...and have finally learned (thankfully) the correct way to react (though I still need constant reminders!!).

    This is a great post and I'm so glad you shared it. The enemy would like nothing more than to shatter our most important earthly relationship. And sadly, often times he succeeds.

    We all need to set aside our selfishness and seek the Lord...even when we don't FEEL like it. And we also need to be on our knees daily seeking God's help for our families.

    Oh and I LOVE the cartoon at the top! Toooo funny!

  2. I think this is the most difficult thing in marriage. I am always so afraid of being a jerk when telling Sarah anything I don't appreciate that I usually stumble over my words and come off as a dumb jerk instead.

    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Holly I love this post. So true and you handled it soooo much better than I would! I somehow got caught back up in the "me" lately. Thanks for the reminder.