Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I spy with my little eye...

So...two years ago when we brought Sarah home, she was adorable.  And fun.  And FUNNY!  And lovable, and huggable.  And she didn't throw temper tantrums or break her brothers' toys, or bother them in any undesirable way, really.  And those boys loved...no ADORED...their little sister.  They honestly did.  They could not get enough of her.  And that happy brother/sister bliss lasted and lasted and lasted.  I was amazed at the bond between them that did not wear off for such a long time.

And friends.......the honeymoon is now OVER.  I am very sad to say.

Well, it's not completely over.  Joshua and Sarah have a special relationship that I am sure will stand the test of time.  Their personalities just fit together so well, and they really still do adore each other.    And Jacob still loves Sarah too, and tries to be a great big brother to her.

No, the honeymoon is over between Brother number THREE and his not-so-innocent-anymore little sister. 

Let's put it this way.  Ben gets annoyed by Sarah because Sarah knows exactly what to do and say to get him riled up and push his buttons, thus annoying him more and more. Ben ends up mad at her, and spends his time constantly telling her what to do and tattling on her for every little thing causing her to be annoyed by him...and the cycle goes around and around.  And this happens every day!  It is enough to make this momma bonkers.  (Yes, sometimes Ben still shows love and sweetness to her, because it really is still inside him, but those times are becoming fewer and farther between!)

I am open to suggestions as to ideas about how I can help the odd couple, here, to get along, but  this is how I tried to get through to Ben tonight.

First I explained that Sarah is three, so she is still not as capable of understanding how to mend this problem as he is, so he will have to make most of the peacemaking effort for now.  I had him tell Sarah three things he likes about her.  (And yes, that stinker at first said he couldn't think of anything!  The little booger.)  Finally, he did say three things, and after the first one, it wasn't hard for him to think of the next two. 

Next I played a little game of "I Spy" with him.  He quickly spotted many pink things around the room when I told him that is what I picked. I pointed out that when we want to find something...we find it.  It's not rocket science.  It's as simple as that little game.  When we look for purple, we magically notice everything that is purple in the room, even when we did not notice it before.  Even the tiny, purple design on a little doll shirt suddenly jumps out at you when you are looking for it.  

It is the same way with people.  When we are looking for the bad in someone, we will most definitely find it.  We will see it clearly in our children, our spouses, and yes, in our brothers and sisters.  And the more we think about it, the more we will be waiting and expecting to see it again, feeding that ugly monster inside that loves to see relationships fall apart.

But, when we really look for the good in someone, we will see that!  And the more we focus on the beauty and fun and wonderful-ness in that person, we will see more and more of that....and the bad will fade away into the background.  Kind of like the color blue when you are looking for pink.

So, that is what I told Ben tonight.  I know it's not very profound, but I know I need to be reminded of it myself quite often!  I am praying for him to get it, and take it to heart, and start focusing on all those wonderful and charming things about Sarah (and for Sarah to stop getting so much joy out of tormenting her brother and thinking it is hilarious.)   Oy...

God bless you all!  Wishing many blessings and wonderfully well-behaved children for all of you...    And try playing I Spy with YOUR family this week.  : )


  1. Oh I wish I had some brilliant advice...but I don't. The truth is, Ben and Sarah are simply REAL SIBLINGS! :) It sounds like you are handling it with much wisdom and grace.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. Holly, thank you so much for stopping by my blog to say hi. You are such a breath of fresh air for me, thank you! We both have adopted daughters who have/had cancer and it just rocks our world. We wonder how could these little beings get this after the life they started out with. I can't wait to read up more on your little one, her journey to cancer free and all the inspiration you seem to bring through your blog. I don't suppose you live anywhere near me? (Greenville, SC) Thank you again, Trish