It all started back in 2010. Our big girl, Cassandra, was on her way to China to help out at Morning Star Family Home. I had found out about this place randomly through the Bloggy grape vine. I had just happened to have been reading the blog of the lady who runs the home, and she and her husband were looking for volunteers to come help out during Chinese New Year. Well, at the time, Cassandra had been in Bible College. She knew she wanted to work with orphans someday, but China had not been in her plans at all, and now was not the ideal time. She was trying to raise money to go back to school. Things were not going well with that. It just seemed that no matter how hard she tried, nothing was going right with getting the funds to go for another year. Well, I found out about the need there, and just thought I would mention it to Cassandra, even though I figured it was a very long shot that she would want to stop school and go. Turns out, she surprised me, and said yes, she would do it. Crazy! In fact, she wanted to go for six months! Remember that things had not been going well for her in getting enough money to stay in school. She certainly didn't have the money for a six-month missions trip to China. But God was about ready to start doing His thing! Cassandra said yes, and He started providing. She had enough money in no time. Even complete strangers were giving her money out of the blue. It was really something to see How God was totally doing this!
So, Cassandra ended up at Morning Star, loving on the babies there. And she truly loved them. All of them.....and especially, especially, especially one of the baby girls named Corrie. Corrie was two at the time. She had developmental delays. She couldn't hold her head up straight very well, and was not walking or talking. She needed surgery, and spent time in the hospital while Cassandra was there. Cassandra even ended up being the one who would stay with her for days in the hospital. Corrie was maybe not the most physically beautiful child in the group of babies at Morning Star, but to Cassandra she was by far the most beautiful one. She would always tell us about how special she was, and how there was just something about her...she couldn't explain it. When others would come, they would agree that there was just something really special about Corrie.
Then came June of 2010. Sarah was diagnosed with Cancer. Cassandra came home as fast as she could, just shy of reaching her six month mark in China. And as you know or can imagine, our life suddenly revolved around hospitals and clinic appointments and life in our new normal. We didn't think much about Corrie or really anything at all besides our Sarah and getting her well.
And then, as we emerged out of that foggy, crazy time in our lives, I began to think about Corrie again. At first, I was just kind of amazed at the love Cassandra had for her. This little girl with all of her physical troubles and unknowns about her future health...Cassandra continued to say she would adopt her in a heartbeat if she could. And I would stop and think about that. Could I say the same thing? Could I be as brave as that? What was it about this little girl that made Cassandra so sure she would do anything to be her mom if she could?
And slowly but surely, God was beginning to do something in my heart. I was starting to love this little girl, too. Not just as a picture on the screen, but as a living, breathing little person who was obviously very special to God. He had brought her through perilous times as an infant when she was tiny and malnourished and beat the odds for even surviving. He had brought her to Morning Star Family Home where she was loved and cared for like their very own daughter. And He had brought her through life-saving surgeries, showing His power in her life time and time again. And now she needed a mommy and daddy. She needed a family desperately who could continue the love and care she was being given, and also provide necessary medical help and therapy. I started to long to be that mommy. As time went by, the intensity of my wish grew. It got to the point where I couldn't even look at a picture of her without my heart aching. More than ANYTHING I wanted to adopt her. I thought for sure these longings were coming from God, and so I couldn't understand it when my dear hubby would not agree with me that we were supposed to adopt her. I would pray and pray for God to change his heart, only to be disappointed. He had very good, practical reasons, and he promised he was praying about it, but he just wasn't hearing anything from God. I was heartbroken.
A couple of years went by. I continued to pray for Corrie. I continued to love her through my computer screen. And I would pray for God's will. I knew that if it were His will for Corrie to be our daughter, He would let us both know. And so, I vowed to never talk about adopting Corrie again. I wanted it to be completely from God if it was meant to be. I prayed that He would provide a family for her, and yes, I still hoped it could be us! (But I wasn't holding my breath anymore.) Finally, she was put on an adoption agency's list! But no family came. She was put on another agency's list! And still no family. I kept wondering...is it because we are her family?? Still nothing from my hubby.
And I will continue this story next time.... The next part needs its own chapter. : )