Thursday, October 7, 2010
GET AWAY!!
Guess what?! My wonderful hubby and I LEFT...By OURSELVES!!! For 2 nights and 3 days!! Our anniversary was in August, some of you may remember. (Check out my post about marriage over there on the right side of my page here if you would like.) Anyway, we have not gone away together for more than a night here and there in about 10 years. I know that lots of couples with many children are not able to get away either, but let me tell you, we felt like it was TIME! So, we wanted to go away for our anniversary, but the timing was not right anytime over the summer. Thankfully, this was the perfect time. I love fall--especially because it is not too hot and perfect for cuddling. ; ) We went to Petoskey, Michigan. It is very near the top of the mitten, and northern Michigan is take-your-breath-away beautiful. We stayed in a really nice place too. My hubby picked it out all by himself. It's called the Inn at Bay Harbor. So peaceful and beautiful.. My heart rate slows down just thinking about it. We had a room on the 4th floor with a fireplace and a balcony overlooking the lake. Aaaaaahhhh....When I am sitting in the hospital room alone surrounded by nurses wearing masks and IV poles, I am going to close my eyes and remember our lovely time in Petoskey. Enjoy some pictures, and I hope you will be able to visit there too someday...
Saturday, October 2, 2010
LOL : )
Taking a little break from LAUNDRY and switching the seasons in the kids' dresser drawers to give you a little smile today. : )
Ben age 4:--(We were talking about when he was born...) "Why was it stinky in your tummy?" "What do you mean? It wasn't stinky in there." "Then why did you have to give me a bath?" "Because, there was stuff all over you." "What stuff? Food?"
Me--"Ben, you know what? One time Jesus gave me a REALLY good present. You know what it was?" Ben age 4-- (grins) "Me." Me--"Yes! How'd you know that?" Ben-- "Because you really love me."
Me--"Ben, don't grow up!" Ben--"Mom, I am. I have to. But don't worry. You'll still love me."
Ben--"Mom, do you know why I like to lick the drool when it comes down in my eyes?" "You mean the tears?" "Yeah. Because I like to taste the sugar!" "You mean the salt?"
Ben--(Patting my chest) "Mom, is this your milk thing? Why do you still have those?"
When we were in the process of adopting Sarah, the boys were talking about "whose" the new baby would be, and I had been saying all of us. Ben said, "I think she is going to be mine." Josh said, "No, she is going to be Mom and Dad's." And Ben said, "Yeah, cuz they bought it." : ) : ) : )
Ben age 4:--(We were talking about when he was born...) "Why was it stinky in your tummy?" "What do you mean? It wasn't stinky in there." "Then why did you have to give me a bath?" "Because, there was stuff all over you." "What stuff? Food?"
Me--"Ben, you know what? One time Jesus gave me a REALLY good present. You know what it was?" Ben age 4-- (grins) "Me." Me--"Yes! How'd you know that?" Ben-- "Because you really love me."
Me--"Ben, don't grow up!" Ben--"Mom, I am. I have to. But don't worry. You'll still love me."
Ben--"Mom, do you know why I like to lick the drool when it comes down in my eyes?" "You mean the tears?" "Yeah. Because I like to taste the sugar!" "You mean the salt?"
Ben--(Patting my chest) "Mom, is this your milk thing? Why do you still have those?"
When we were in the process of adopting Sarah, the boys were talking about "whose" the new baby would be, and I had been saying all of us. Ben said, "I think she is going to be mine." Josh said, "No, she is going to be Mom and Dad's." And Ben said, "Yeah, cuz they bought it." : ) : ) : )
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Bone Marrow Transplant
Okay. I feel much calmer now, so I am ready to tell you all about our upcoming adventure.
We have known all along since we got Sarah's diagnosis and treatment plan that this high dose of chemo and bone marrow transplant were going to be inevitable. We were told by the oncologist that Sarah would be in the hospital for about 2 weeks, and after that we would be done, and that she would probably be able to come with us when we went to visit my family in Arizona for Thanksgiving. So, we were justifiably shocked when the transplant team doctor and nurse met with us and told us Sarah would be in the hospital for not 2 weeks, but 4-6 weeks at best, and that after she comes home, she will be under tight restrictions including no travel, even no public places, for about THREE MONTHS.
So....here is what we have to look forward to. The next week and a half, Sarah will be going in to have tests done, and then we get admitted to the hospital on October 12. She won't be able to leave her room--AT ALL--for the entire hospital stay. She is only allowed to have 5 total visitors, and that is pretty much limited to the people who are going to be taking care of her. It is a special room with a special air filter so that she can't breathe the normal hospital air. Whenever we go to be with her, we have to put on a clean set of clothes. Shoes come off at the door. Any toys need to be wiped down. There are all sorts of restrictions on food. All of her clothes need to be washed separately from the rest of the family, and I have to pack each of her outfits in separate plastic bags. All dirty clothes and towels need to be put outside the door right away. Everyone who comes in her room will have to wear a mask except us.
She will be given a very strong cocktail of chemotherapy that will have worse side effects than she has experienced so far. Hopefully they won't be too bad. This chemo is supposed to wipe out every stray cancer cell that might be hiding in her body anywhere, and hopefully (big time hopefully) also kill the last tumor in her eye. Unfortunately it will also wipe out all her bone marrow. When they are done administering that after a few days, she will get the transplant. It is actually a stem cell transplant. They will give her her own cells they harvested early on, and that will make brand new bone marrow. (And seriously some people do not believe in God...They honestly think nature could evolve something as miraculous as that?? Um...yeah...) Soon the bone marrow will start making blood cells again, and her counts will start to go back up.
A couple of days before we go home, our house will need to be cleaned as well as it possibly can. (This part I am actually looking forward to. My house is NEVER spotless--all at the same time. It's a dream of mine, actually.) Everything, including curtains, walls, floors, all the carpet needs to be steam cleaned, everything that can be, bleached.
Even after we come home Sarah will still have many restrictions. Like I mentioned, she won't be allowed to really go anywhere. We will not be able to share food with her, whatever I make, she has to be served first so none of our germs get mixed in, she will need to have separate baggies of things like chips or cereal. Things like that. And these restrictions will go on-----until January.
Soooo, we had no idea. And I did panic. Then yesterday, I got out of the house, and I spent time in the grocery store parking lot just praying and spending time with God, listening to some good praise music and praying some more. Then I prayed as I shopped, just being with God and listening to what He had to say to me. And peace and acceptance began to fill me up again, and I realized that my little mantra I said so many times a few months ago had stopped being part of my vocabulary.
Take it one day at a time.
Such a wise little phrase. Who thought of that? Oh yeah. God.
So today, I got the boys' haircuts done and made a good to-do list, and each day I will check things off of it. And I will pray and trust God and try not to worry. And that's my plan.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Matthew 6:34
We have known all along since we got Sarah's diagnosis and treatment plan that this high dose of chemo and bone marrow transplant were going to be inevitable. We were told by the oncologist that Sarah would be in the hospital for about 2 weeks, and after that we would be done, and that she would probably be able to come with us when we went to visit my family in Arizona for Thanksgiving. So, we were justifiably shocked when the transplant team doctor and nurse met with us and told us Sarah would be in the hospital for not 2 weeks, but 4-6 weeks at best, and that after she comes home, she will be under tight restrictions including no travel, even no public places, for about THREE MONTHS.
So....here is what we have to look forward to. The next week and a half, Sarah will be going in to have tests done, and then we get admitted to the hospital on October 12. She won't be able to leave her room--AT ALL--for the entire hospital stay. She is only allowed to have 5 total visitors, and that is pretty much limited to the people who are going to be taking care of her. It is a special room with a special air filter so that she can't breathe the normal hospital air. Whenever we go to be with her, we have to put on a clean set of clothes. Shoes come off at the door. Any toys need to be wiped down. There are all sorts of restrictions on food. All of her clothes need to be washed separately from the rest of the family, and I have to pack each of her outfits in separate plastic bags. All dirty clothes and towels need to be put outside the door right away. Everyone who comes in her room will have to wear a mask except us.
She will be given a very strong cocktail of chemotherapy that will have worse side effects than she has experienced so far. Hopefully they won't be too bad. This chemo is supposed to wipe out every stray cancer cell that might be hiding in her body anywhere, and hopefully (big time hopefully) also kill the last tumor in her eye. Unfortunately it will also wipe out all her bone marrow. When they are done administering that after a few days, she will get the transplant. It is actually a stem cell transplant. They will give her her own cells they harvested early on, and that will make brand new bone marrow. (And seriously some people do not believe in God...They honestly think nature could evolve something as miraculous as that?? Um...yeah...) Soon the bone marrow will start making blood cells again, and her counts will start to go back up.
A couple of days before we go home, our house will need to be cleaned as well as it possibly can. (This part I am actually looking forward to. My house is NEVER spotless--all at the same time. It's a dream of mine, actually.) Everything, including curtains, walls, floors, all the carpet needs to be steam cleaned, everything that can be, bleached.
Even after we come home Sarah will still have many restrictions. Like I mentioned, she won't be allowed to really go anywhere. We will not be able to share food with her, whatever I make, she has to be served first so none of our germs get mixed in, she will need to have separate baggies of things like chips or cereal. Things like that. And these restrictions will go on-----until January.
Soooo, we had no idea. And I did panic. Then yesterday, I got out of the house, and I spent time in the grocery store parking lot just praying and spending time with God, listening to some good praise music and praying some more. Then I prayed as I shopped, just being with God and listening to what He had to say to me. And peace and acceptance began to fill me up again, and I realized that my little mantra I said so many times a few months ago had stopped being part of my vocabulary.
Take it one day at a time.
Such a wise little phrase. Who thought of that? Oh yeah. God.
So today, I got the boys' haircuts done and made a good to-do list, and each day I will check things off of it. And I will pray and trust God and try not to worry. And that's my plan.
She loves the hospital scale. : )
We'll do a lot of coloring and drawing pictures and shapes again I'm sure.
She loves this piano. And yes, she sure did have a lot of hair.
I know I've been asking for prayer a lot, but I feel like now we need it more than ever. We thank you so much for thinking of us and praying us through. We love you all, even you lurkers who prefer to be silent supporters. : )
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Matthew 6:34
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tea Party!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Grandma and Grandpa's House
My wonderful parents-in-law both grew up in the same town. They went to the same high school, started dating during their high school years, and ended up getting married at 19 years old. They're even the same age. : ) They bought a little house on a couple of acres on a dirt road on the edge of a small town in the same area where they grew up and fixed it up. They raised 3 boys there on that dirt road. Each of them came from big families--5 kids in one and 7 in the other, and all of the siblings grew up and settled down nearby with the exception of just one, who moved down south after a while. So, my hubby's childhood home often was a gathering place for grandpas and grandmas, aunts and uncles and cousins from both sides of the family as he was growing up.
After all the boys were grown and out of the house, my in-laws began plans to build the home they would spend the rest of their days playing with the grandkids in--right next door on that same dirt road on the other half of their property. And build it they did. A nice, big, ranch style home with extra bedrooms and a great big sunny room with plenty of space for lots of grandkids to wrestle around and make a lot of noise. (With glass sliding doors that could shut if it got too noisy.) : ) They've lived in that house for about 12 or 13 years, and we always love visiting there. It's cozy and comfy and welcoming, and it feels like home, even though neither of us has ever lived there ourselves. And most of all we love the people who live there, so that's the best part about it...
But my in-laws have another home. They have a log cabin my father-in-law also built, up at the youth camp my brother-in-law runs in Morley, Michigan. It is another great place. It's cozy and homy, and it's brand new. Just finished this year. It has one amazing screened-in porch on the back, overlooking the woods and a little rippling creek. Simply beautiful! But the reason they have a home up there is not for the view. They know that the most important things in this life are not material. They have spent their summers and other parts of the year up there for years now, serving the Lord in any way they can. Washing, cooking, cutting grass, helping build things and doing maintenance jobs, and investing in the lives of the kids who come to camp and spend time there.
And now they have decided that they will rent out and eventually sell their home on their quiet dirt road that's a hop skip and a jump from all their brothers and sisters and the familiar places they have always known (and their old house where they raised their boys that their son owns now) and move most likely for good into their sweet little log cabin up at camp. I know it's not easy, especially for my mother-in-law, because you know for us girls, big changes like that are tough, especially when it comes to sentimental-type things. But one of the things we love about them is that they know that what's most important is not always the easy road. They are willing to do the more difficult thing because it's the right thing. And they know that the blessings God wants to pour out on those who love Him, and are willing to serve Him no matter what the cost, are the greatest blessings we can ever imagine.
I am excited to see what God is going to do with my wonderful second parents as they continue on their journey, letting go of what's behind and pressing on serving Him. And I can't wait to see how He is going to bless them for their obedience...(I think part of that blessing is going to be frequent visits from US! heehee)
We just got back today from visiting them at their old house as they get ready to leave. I must admit it was pretty hard to say good-bye to that house. So many memories. What is it about houses and saying good-bye? But like I said, I'm sure the best is yet to come.
After all the boys were grown and out of the house, my in-laws began plans to build the home they would spend the rest of their days playing with the grandkids in--right next door on that same dirt road on the other half of their property. And build it they did. A nice, big, ranch style home with extra bedrooms and a great big sunny room with plenty of space for lots of grandkids to wrestle around and make a lot of noise. (With glass sliding doors that could shut if it got too noisy.) : ) They've lived in that house for about 12 or 13 years, and we always love visiting there. It's cozy and comfy and welcoming, and it feels like home, even though neither of us has ever lived there ourselves. And most of all we love the people who live there, so that's the best part about it...
But my in-laws have another home. They have a log cabin my father-in-law also built, up at the youth camp my brother-in-law runs in Morley, Michigan. It is another great place. It's cozy and homy, and it's brand new. Just finished this year. It has one amazing screened-in porch on the back, overlooking the woods and a little rippling creek. Simply beautiful! But the reason they have a home up there is not for the view. They know that the most important things in this life are not material. They have spent their summers and other parts of the year up there for years now, serving the Lord in any way they can. Washing, cooking, cutting grass, helping build things and doing maintenance jobs, and investing in the lives of the kids who come to camp and spend time there.
And now they have decided that they will rent out and eventually sell their home on their quiet dirt road that's a hop skip and a jump from all their brothers and sisters and the familiar places they have always known (and their old house where they raised their boys that their son owns now) and move most likely for good into their sweet little log cabin up at camp. I know it's not easy, especially for my mother-in-law, because you know for us girls, big changes like that are tough, especially when it comes to sentimental-type things. But one of the things we love about them is that they know that what's most important is not always the easy road. They are willing to do the more difficult thing because it's the right thing. And they know that the blessings God wants to pour out on those who love Him, and are willing to serve Him no matter what the cost, are the greatest blessings we can ever imagine.
I am excited to see what God is going to do with my wonderful second parents as they continue on their journey, letting go of what's behind and pressing on serving Him. And I can't wait to see how He is going to bless them for their obedience...(I think part of that blessing is going to be frequent visits from US! heehee)
We just got back today from visiting them at their old house as they get ready to leave. I must admit it was pretty hard to say good-bye to that house. So many memories. What is it about houses and saying good-bye? But like I said, I'm sure the best is yet to come.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Today's thoughts at the hospital
Today Sarah had an MRI. It was uneventful as far as the scan went. We went, she got her froggy hug, light on her finger and tubees drink (of sleepy juice) and went to sleep. Got the scan but had no idea, woke up, had a snack and some apple juice, and we went home to play.
While she was having the scan done, I had some time to myself. So like I've done in the past, I went upstairs to the cafeteria and sat alone with coffee and a good book to pass the time. I actually really like the cafeteria at the hospital. Two entire walls are floor to ceiling windows. There's something about the atmosphere in there that I like. I love watching the people.
But today for some reason-- maybe I was extra tired...or maybe it was the discouraging news about that stubborn tumor from the other day-- I had a really hard time as I was sitting there. Probably the worst I've felt about this whole thing since the very beginning when we got the diagnosis. In fact it felt a lot like I felt that first week all of a sudden, like a wave washing over me, and ironically I was sitting at the very same table I was sitting at when we first got the diagnosis and I called my mom to tell her about it. I had the picture in my mind of Peter walking on the water keeping his eyes on Jesus, but then as soon as he he looked around he started sinking. And that was how I felt. Like I was starting to sink. The feeling didn't last all day, thankfully. I'm doing better now again. But as I was sitting there letting my mind begin to wander to what could possibly happen, I was also looking around the room.
So many people in that room, all ages and nationalities. Rich, poor, professional health care workers, patients and families, college kids wiping tables. And I thought about how short life is, and how short it really can be. I thought about eternity, and I wondered how many of those people think about it.
I wonder if you have thought about it lately. I don't mean to be morbid or depressing, but it is true that none of us will last forever. We believe that Sarah is going to make it through this. But I ask you today to think about your eternity. It's too important not to think about. And if you have questions, seek the answers. The Bible says that if you seek, you will find.
These are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through His Name. John 20:31
While she was having the scan done, I had some time to myself. So like I've done in the past, I went upstairs to the cafeteria and sat alone with coffee and a good book to pass the time. I actually really like the cafeteria at the hospital. Two entire walls are floor to ceiling windows. There's something about the atmosphere in there that I like. I love watching the people.
But today for some reason-- maybe I was extra tired...or maybe it was the discouraging news about that stubborn tumor from the other day-- I had a really hard time as I was sitting there. Probably the worst I've felt about this whole thing since the very beginning when we got the diagnosis. In fact it felt a lot like I felt that first week all of a sudden, like a wave washing over me, and ironically I was sitting at the very same table I was sitting at when we first got the diagnosis and I called my mom to tell her about it. I had the picture in my mind of Peter walking on the water keeping his eyes on Jesus, but then as soon as he he looked around he started sinking. And that was how I felt. Like I was starting to sink. The feeling didn't last all day, thankfully. I'm doing better now again. But as I was sitting there letting my mind begin to wander to what could possibly happen, I was also looking around the room.
So many people in that room, all ages and nationalities. Rich, poor, professional health care workers, patients and families, college kids wiping tables. And I thought about how short life is, and how short it really can be. I thought about eternity, and I wondered how many of those people think about it.
I wonder if you have thought about it lately. I don't mean to be morbid or depressing, but it is true that none of us will last forever. We believe that Sarah is going to make it through this. But I ask you today to think about your eternity. It's too important not to think about. And if you have questions, seek the answers. The Bible says that if you seek, you will find.
These are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through His Name. John 20:31
Monday, September 20, 2010
Update...
Hello faithful friends, family and guests.....
Well, we got back from the surgery center with Dr. Aaberg. He did an exam under sedation and some cryotherapy (freezing treatment), but this time didn't do the shot of chemo. Cassandra went with Sarah and me this time because she wanted to be there to hear the news about any progress with that VERY PESKY tumor.
Turns out she shouldn't have been anxious to come. The bad news is, that tumor did not change. AT ALL- since the last time he did this about 4 weeks ago. Oh, how discouraging and frustrating it is that this teeny little thing, only about a millimeter across, is so stinking stubborn!
You know, it is at times like these that you wonder what God is doing. I know with all of my heart and being that God is in complete control. Friends who know Him, and those who don't, I can tell you from experience that He IS. He is here...He is only good...and He is always loving. It is the very definition of who He is. My faith doesn't waver even for a second, and this kind of thing doesn't stop me from loving Him and knowing all of this. Not anymore, anyway. I've had my share of times when I couldn't say that I always 100% believed that, but I have seen Him come through so many times, not only in my own life, but in others' lives, that I simply can't help but know it.
But I still wonder why, just like we all do when things like this come into our lives. Why doesn't God just reach down and squash that tumor? He took care of the huge one in a couple of weeks. He took care of the other small ones in her good eye. They are all dead and gone except for one measly stinker. Ugh. : (
So, we continue to wait on Him, and trust Him, and trust that He is giving the doctors wisdom about what to do next. The next thing on the schedule is an MRI on Wednesday, just to make sure that everything else in her eye sockets and brain still looks clear. Then on Friday the tumor board meets to discuss all the recent results. We will meet with Dr. Smith, Sarah's main dr. in charge of treatment soon to hear the main points of the discussion and their recommendations as to what's next. And it looks like that is going to be a very high dose of chemo and her bone marrow transplant along with it, probably the second week of October or so.
There is some good news along with the sad news. Dr. Aaberg is not surprised that this treatment is not working well, and I find that a little comforting at least. The reason why the thing is so stubborn is because it is a seed that has broken off from the retina wall. There is not good blood flow inside the eye, so there is no great way for the treatment to really penetrate that tumor. He said that there is a good chance that the high dose of chemo she will be getting will take care of it. He is discouraged, but not surprised and not despairing. Also, Sarah is doing really well today! The last two times she had this treatment, she had quite a bit of discomfort and pain, and this time she is already opening her eye and seeming fine. That is a huge praise!
So, we press on. I am really feeling now more than ever, the need to pray with fervency. This tumor is strong, but God is waaaaaaay stronger. I think my faith has been lulled to sleep a bit lately, and today was a wake up call for me. Will you pray with us?
Thank you so much for staying on this journey with us! We love and appreciate you!!
Well, we got back from the surgery center with Dr. Aaberg. He did an exam under sedation and some cryotherapy (freezing treatment), but this time didn't do the shot of chemo. Cassandra went with Sarah and me this time because she wanted to be there to hear the news about any progress with that VERY PESKY tumor.
Turns out she shouldn't have been anxious to come. The bad news is, that tumor did not change. AT ALL- since the last time he did this about 4 weeks ago. Oh, how discouraging and frustrating it is that this teeny little thing, only about a millimeter across, is so stinking stubborn!
You know, it is at times like these that you wonder what God is doing. I know with all of my heart and being that God is in complete control. Friends who know Him, and those who don't, I can tell you from experience that He IS. He is here...He is only good...and He is always loving. It is the very definition of who He is. My faith doesn't waver even for a second, and this kind of thing doesn't stop me from loving Him and knowing all of this. Not anymore, anyway. I've had my share of times when I couldn't say that I always 100% believed that, but I have seen Him come through so many times, not only in my own life, but in others' lives, that I simply can't help but know it.
But I still wonder why, just like we all do when things like this come into our lives. Why doesn't God just reach down and squash that tumor? He took care of the huge one in a couple of weeks. He took care of the other small ones in her good eye. They are all dead and gone except for one measly stinker. Ugh. : (
So, we continue to wait on Him, and trust Him, and trust that He is giving the doctors wisdom about what to do next. The next thing on the schedule is an MRI on Wednesday, just to make sure that everything else in her eye sockets and brain still looks clear. Then on Friday the tumor board meets to discuss all the recent results. We will meet with Dr. Smith, Sarah's main dr. in charge of treatment soon to hear the main points of the discussion and their recommendations as to what's next. And it looks like that is going to be a very high dose of chemo and her bone marrow transplant along with it, probably the second week of October or so.
There is some good news along with the sad news. Dr. Aaberg is not surprised that this treatment is not working well, and I find that a little comforting at least. The reason why the thing is so stubborn is because it is a seed that has broken off from the retina wall. There is not good blood flow inside the eye, so there is no great way for the treatment to really penetrate that tumor. He said that there is a good chance that the high dose of chemo she will be getting will take care of it. He is discouraged, but not surprised and not despairing. Also, Sarah is doing really well today! The last two times she had this treatment, she had quite a bit of discomfort and pain, and this time she is already opening her eye and seeming fine. That is a huge praise!
So, we press on. I am really feeling now more than ever, the need to pray with fervency. This tumor is strong, but God is waaaaaaay stronger. I think my faith has been lulled to sleep a bit lately, and today was a wake up call for me. Will you pray with us?
Thank you so much for staying on this journey with us! We love and appreciate you!!
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